The Struggle

Full self disclosure. I am struggling with an autoimmune disease that has probably been with me for longer than I was aware, because I was under insured for so long. I am certain that the reason I have had any degree of health is because I quit dairy products fairly early on when my health issues started up. I had an ear, nose and throat doctor tell me that dairy exacerbated my mold allergy symptoms, and so I spent years quitting, going back to, and then quitting, dairy. Over and over again. I would sneak in some cheese, or a dessert, then catch a virus, and become very ill with bronchitis and sinusitis. It was bad. Absence of dairy not only prevented me from getting most of the colds and viruses, it lessened the symptoms. But then it stopped working as well when I entered my 50s. I became more and more fatigued, developed problems with sleep, and found concentration on work nearly impossible. I was told I had Hashimoto’s, and promptly got treatment, and though my thyroid numbers improved, my symptoms did not. My body ached, and I had random tendinitis in various places, along with muscle and joint pain, and a heaviness in my limbs and body. I started having skin and mouth lesions and digestive troubles, tinnitus, blurred vision, headaches, and so on. Eventually, at the age of 59, I would discover through thorough testing, that the cause of all of this, was Lupus. SLE. Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. The immune system attacks its own tissues, its own DNA, causing widespread inflammation and tissue damage in various places. Mine seems to be the skin and joints, so far, and possibly, blood vessels in the brain.

This past year I have begun an earnest search for wellness and healing. Because I am so prone to drug side effects, I know I need alternatives to Western medicine. I am still in this investigation. I have good days and bad days, and I am spending hours of my day attempting to construct a sustainable healthy life. It’s involved, I won’t lie to you. It takes up all of the time and energy I have each day before I’m forced to rest. I’m not yet over the hump of illness, and my good days are precarious at best. Coming to terms with this thing has been challenging. In any case, all of this wild fox slobber is just to say, I’m working toward some truths about self care and wellness, and I’m beginning to see so many connections to how the culture has indoctrinated me into addictive behaviors, drug dependence, and self-indulgence. What better territory is there for a a circle of vowing? Bowing to all that this brings, while attempting to break free from its atmosphere. So, blogs that follow are just an honest attempt at telling the truth about the impact of a culturally created disease, and my struggle to get free of it, in the face of overwhelming influences that would have me do anything but stop being a consumer of addictive products and habits. In the hopes that this information will help someone else, I hope to be as transparent and thorough as possible.